You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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