he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Never joke about your clitoris.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
