i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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