I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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