Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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