do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
