That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
