it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
