and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
