do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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