She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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