Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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