Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
