Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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