The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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