Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
