Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
