I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
