rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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