woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
