Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I love you.
Bad choice
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