she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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