i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
