She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
