Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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