if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
