She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
