I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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