yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
