Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
