remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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