I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
