He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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