I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i dont even know how to be here
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
