so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
