Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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