just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
