barbara walters just said penis...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
