When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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