Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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