Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
