Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
