He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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