I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize