omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
