ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
