She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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