And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
