I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
