dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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