hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
