your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
