i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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