I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
