There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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