First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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