since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
