I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
