Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
