The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
