Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
