i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
