I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Acid is not a monday night drug
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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