Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
