careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I need a burrito and a hug.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
