Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
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Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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