whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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