Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
