Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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