I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
