last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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