i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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