help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
