I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The uberlube is also flammable
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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