Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
