Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
